I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm really busy with my period
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