I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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