wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you made out with another girl for some wings
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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