I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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