The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
