I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
