dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
