I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
