Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
