No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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