How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
