I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
