I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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