He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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