I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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