You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
