Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My bed smells like the plague
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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