I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dignity is for republicans.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
