just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
