Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
