There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The maid of honor just puked.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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