my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
