dude i'm inner monologue high
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize