I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize