I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
apparently the secret to your success is patron
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
