I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Im part way to drunk.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
