I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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