I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
even my farts smell like vagina
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Randomize
