So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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