Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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