I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
