Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
