I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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