I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
