he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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