if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
