Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You were trust falling into bushes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
