We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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