My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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