he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
