i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
