Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
