I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
