I'm drive I can fine osifer
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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