I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
