My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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