Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
