i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize