yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
