Cold hands, warm shart.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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