Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
