Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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