the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
