fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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