I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
