Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
