First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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