maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You smell like stripper and shame
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
