apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
don't judge my taste in strippers
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize