Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
