just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
