Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
