I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize