It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
