I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
