he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
