we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
