I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
