My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
